Episode 22: A Beautiful Mess Part 2

Previously, on "The Real World, Sunset Valley":

Episode 21 (A Beautiful Mess)


-Jason envisioned himself doing romantic things for Brooke.
-He asked her if she could ever see herself kissing only him.
-She evaded the question and decided that they are better off as friends.
-He took her to the park as a surprise.
-He imagined having a family with her as he pushed her on the swing.

This is all so strange.  Jason is actually sticking to his promise and behaving like a perfect gentleman after Brooke told him that they can never be more than friends.  She expected him to put his arm around her in the car, but he kept it on the steering wheel.  She expected him to try and steal a kiss while driving,  but he kept his eyes on the road for the most part.  She even expected him to  try and wrap his arms around her waist as she sat on the swing, but he only grabbed the seat as he pushed her.  If we weren't friends right now, we'd probably still be in the car.  Making out.  This is so hard!!  Now that he's acting platonic towards her, she wants him even more.  She misses the way he flirts with her.  She misses the way he gazes into her eyes, making her feel like she is the most beautiful, desirable woman in the world.  Those naughty little comments that make her blush yet make her lose her breath at the same time.  

Even the way he stood behind her on the swing, pushing the seat ever so gently with an accidental graze on her backpocket.  His voice getting deeper when she swings back towards him.  She can't help but squeal in delight when she goes so high, she almost tips over.  Sometimes he teases her and pushes so hard that she feels like she's going to catapult towards the trees.  Other times, his hands span the small of his back, sending shivers down her spine as he presses on her bare skin.  The back and forth motion, along with Jason standing behind her, sends her mind raging with inappropriate thoughts.  Things that she shouldn't be thinking about, especially a "friend".

Brooke: Too what?

Jason: ..............

Brooke:  Jason?

The gleam in his eyes disappear.  They are replaced with sadness.  Maybe even a little regret.  He tries to hide it by flashing her a reassuring smile, but his eyes don't match his face.  He looks down at his shoes, pretending to check for sand particles.

Jason:  Never mind.  Forget I said anything.

Brooke:  Is everything okay?  

Jason:  Yeah, I'm fine.

She can sense that something is wrong.  She can also sense that it must be difficult for him to talk about his feelings, let alone his past.  Part of her wants to respect his privacy but part of her knows that he needs someone to talk to.  How can I get him to open up without being too pushy?

Brooke:  Jason, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to.  That's the beauty of being friends.  I will never judge you or make you feel bad about your past.  I just want to know who you are.

His eyes face hers again.  This time, with gratitude and warmth.  

Jason:  I don't think I've ever had a female friend before.

Brooke:  Hmmm...I wonder why? *grin*

Jason:  Haha.  I'm a good boy.  I don't know what you're talking about. *grin*

Brooke:  Suuuuuure.  Start believing your own lies.

Jason:  But seriously, Brooke.  You don't want to know who I am.

Brooke:  Why do you say that?

Jason:  I'm not a good person.  I've done a lot of dirt in my past.

Brooke:  So you're going to let your past define who you are now?

Jason:  I don't know...I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of.

Brooke:  Like what?

Jason:  I would find people's weakness and use it against them.  I remember dating a bunch of girls in college and I knew exactly what to do and say to get what I wanted.  They would come over and cook, clean, do my laundry, do my work, even lend me money when I needed some.  After college, I just pursued women until I get them in bed.  Then I'd lose interest when I got what I wanted.  It was like a game.  I was more excited about the hunt than the prize.  Women were just objects to me.  That's how I treated them but ironically that made them want me even more.  

Brooke:  Did you force those girls to do all those things for you?

Jason:  No, of course not.

Brooke:  Well, they did it because they wanted to.  And if you treated them bad, that's because they allowed you to treat them bad.  I'm not condoning your behavior or anything, but they must have gotten something out of it if they kept doing it.

Jason:  Huh.  I never thought of it that way.  I always thought I was taking advantage of them and I just didn't care.

Brooke:  I mean, look at what I did to my parents.  I played them against each other and used guilt to get what I want.  Instead of trying to be supportive because they were going through a hard time, I milked them instead.  Now that I think about it, I feel awful.

For the first time in her life, the reality of her actions hit her.  When she wanted a new car for her 16th birthday, her parents couldn't afford it since they were living separately.  With two separate mortgages and separate bills, they were barely able to maintain their lifestyle.  When her parents had to sit her down and let her know that they wouldn't be able to get her the new car she wanted, she lashed out at her Mom.

"This is all your fault!!  You screwed another man and you ruined this family!!" she screamed, adding as much venom to her words as she could.  

"Brooke...how could..." Her mother mumbled in utter shock.  She clutched her chest as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"Hey! That's enough, young lady!!" He retaliated in dismay, eyes burning in humiliation.

This angered Brooke even more.  How can he still defend her, after all she has done to him?  She didn't care anymore.  This time, it was their turn to listen.

"Dad, how can you defend her??  She cheated on you for years, and you're yelling at me??  You know what? No wonder she cheated on you.  Maybe if you actually had a backbone, she wouldn't think it's okay to bring another man into the house---"

"Brooke!! That's enough!!"  He interrupted, trying to stop her jagged words.  Her Mom is sitting on the couch with her hands covering her face, trying to muffle her sobs.

"No!!  You are going to listen to what I have to say!!  Can't you see, Dad?  She treats you like a doormat.  And you just allow it.  I know you're divorced but for once, can't you just be angry about what she did??  Can't you hold her responsible for how she treated you??"

"Brooke, you're just too young to understand."

"I may be too young to understand but I'm not dumb.  Look at what you're both putting me through!!"  Tears flooding her face, she ran to her room and slammed the door.  The next day, a brand new black Yamamoto Evasion greeted her from the driveway when she came home from school.

I can't believe I spoke to them like that.  How spoiled was I??

Under her breath, she mumbled, "My dad just took it."

Jason:  What?

Brooke:  Huh?

Jason:  You said something.

Brooke:  My dad just took it.

Jason:  Took what?

Brooke:  My Mom.  He just took all of my Mom's crap.  Even when they got divorced, he still defended her when I'd call her out.

Jason:  Didn't she cheat on your dad for years?

Brooke:  Yeah.  And  he still defends her.

She stares off into the distance, trying to grasp her parents' relationship.  How can her own father still defend the woman who betrayed him and broke her vows?  How can he not be enraged at the thought of her being touched by another man?  How can he not be consumed by hatred, knowing that it has gone on for almost a decade?  Every day that she shared the same house and bed with him was a lie.  A mere facade so she can still keep the secure life she's always wanted.  How can he tolerate someone so selfish and calculating?

Her heart grows heavy as the pain intensifies.  Not for herself, but her own father.  Her heart broke for him.  He's such a good, caring man.  And yet, her Mom never appreciated him.  She tries to hold back the tears.  I can't let him see me like this.

Jason:  Hey...what's wrong?

Brooke:  Nothing.  

Now the tears are escaping.  They feel hot on her cheeks.  She tries to avert her face away from him.

Jason:  No, something's wrong.  What is it?

Brooke:  I just....I....I feel awful for my Dad.  He's...he's such a good man.  He didn't deserve the life he lived with my...my Mom.

She chokes on her words.  Jason briefly walks over to wipe the tears off her face.

Jason:  Shhhh...it's okay.  Don't cry.  

He doesn't know what to do.  This is the first time a girl has ever cried in front of him.  He feels so helpless that he can't make her pain go away but at the same time he wants to comfort her.  All he wants to do is place her on his lap and gently caress her face until the tears go away.  She can stay in his arms as long as she needs, until  her heart feels lighter.  But he can't do that now.  All he can do is give her a piece of himself.  Something that not a lot of people have had the privilege to see.

Jason:  My Dad was an alcoholic.

Brooke:  Oh, Jason.  I'm so sorry.

Jason:  You said that your Mom cheated on your Dad right?  Well, my Dad didn't even try to hide it.  He would go out and drink then come home smelling like cheap perfume with lipstick smeared on his shirt.  Then he would scream at my Mom and make her feel like shit.  I just remember them screaming at each other, my Dad calling her a bitch, a whore, cow, all the names in the book.  And she would just take it.  I remember one time when I was 10, my Dad came home drunk and actually brought home another woman.  My Mom got so upset that she lunged at her but my Dad pushed her to the floor.  Then they had the nerve to go into my parents room.  My Mom lost it and she jumped on my Dad's back.  He slammed her against the wall.  She was in the hospital for a week with some broken ribs.

Brooke:  Oh my God, Jason.  That's awful!!  I am so sorry about your Mom.  Was she able to recover okay?

Jason:  Yeah.  I don't know.  Seeing my Mom being thrown around like that just changed the way I looked at women.  It's like I hated my Dad but I also admired how cold and insensitive he was.  It was like he had so much power.  He did whatever he wanted, without having to answer to anybody.  And my Mom never left him.  They always did their little dance: he fucks up, she gets pissed, they have a screaming match, she gets hurt, he feels bad, wines and dines her, everything's okay and it starts over again.  She'd be in the bathroom crying and she wouldn't come out.  Sometimes I'd have to wait outside and slip some Kleenex tissues under the door.  Sometimes she would stay there all night so I have to bring her food.  It was just crazy.

Her heart breaks for the little boy who had to witness such emotional trauma.  She wishes she could have been there to hold him, comfort him and tell him that things were going to be okay.  She wishes she can caress his sweaty little head and wipe his nose.  Poor thing. No child should ever have to grow up like that. She can't imagine what he went through, growing up with such a misogynistic father and a mother who tolerated such abuse.  

I see him now.  I see the boy behind the tough facade.  I see the boy who longs to be loved but is too afraid to get hurt.  I see the boy who pushed people away by using them because he doesn't want them to get too close.  I see him now, and he has slowly invaded my heart.

Brooke:  Oh, sweetie...I wish I could have been there.  I'm so sorry.  Did you have any siblings to talk to?

Jason:  No.  I'm an only child.  I had to deal with it alone.

Brooke:  Me too.  

They look at each other with a sense of understanding...and a newfound respect.  They have never shared this level of personal information with anyone, not even their closest friends.  The only other person that knows about Jason's alcoholic father is Hannah, but even she hasn't heard it to this degree.  They both feel like a burden has been lifted off their shoulders, and they have exposed a part of themselves that they have kept in the dark for a long time.  They expected to be judged, but instead, connected on a deeper level that made them feel accepted.  For once, they weren't good or bad people.  They were merely human beings who's family dysfunctions affected their actions and outlook on life.  

Brooke:  He's just as screwed up as I am.

Jason:  She's just as screwed up as I am.

Brooke:  Okay, I have to know.  Where do you get this idea that women get fat when they get married?

Jason:  What the??  Umm...that's random.

Brooke:  Haha.  Well, since your Dad would call your Mom a cow.  Is that where you got that from?

Jason:  The thing is, my Mom was always skinny.  But somehow he would try to make her feel fat by calling her a cow.

Brooke:  So it's you that think women get fat when they get married.

Jason:  Well, it's what I see.  I notice that a lot of them let themselves go.

Brooke:  Has it ever occured to you that maybe they just don't have enough time to get all dolled up everyday?  When they have to deal with work, kids, the house, cooking, cleaning and keeping their husbands happy?

Jason:  That's true.  But I also think it's important to stay attractive.  That's what keeps the chemistry alive in a relationship.  If you're still attracted to your partner, then you'll still want to do them.  And if you still want to do them, then there's no room for a third party.  

Brooke:  Wow.  You cut to the chase, huh?

Jason:  I'm just being honest.  Look, when people have affairs, it's a cry for help.  Help, I'm bored!  Help, I'm not getting enough attention!  Help, I'm not getting laid!  

Brooke:  Haha!  You're a dork.

Jason:  When you have something good, and you know it's the best out there, you're not going to mess it up.  You're going to take care of it and make sure it stays with you for a long time.  Marriage is just like any investment in life.  It's just like a new car or a new house.  You need to appreciate it and take care of it so that it will last a long time.

Brooke:  That's pretty good advice for someone that's anti-marriage.

Jason:  Hey, I don't need to be a parent to know how to deal with kids.  The same way I don't need to be married to see what married people go through.

Brooke:  Watch, you're gonna be like those people that are all anti-marriage and anti-kids.  Then five years from now I'm going to bump into at the supermarket with your wife and three kids.  

Jason:  Three kids?? Geez.  Kill me already.

Brooke:  Haha.  And two are twins. *evil grin*

Jason:  You are sick, you know that?? *sly grin*

Brooke: Bahahaha! 

Jason:  Ooooh  so is my wife hot?

Brooke:  For sure she's not fat.

Jason:  Aww, why'd you have to go there?

Brooke:  Cuz I can.  

Jason:  What if I run into you at the supermarket and you're the one with the husband and three kids?

Brooke:  That means you must have really screwed up.

Jason:  What do you mean?

Brooke:  Oh crap.  Recover.  Recover.

Jason:  Brooke.

Brooke:  It means...it probably didn't work out between us.

Jason:  What are you saying?  

Brooke:  Never mind.  Forget what I said.  It was dumb.

His eyes are serious, and he can't seem to shake off what she said.  It was as if a he heard a signal and he's trying to figure where it's coming from.

Jason: Wait, wait, wait.  Are you saying that there might be a possibility for us in the future?

Brooke:  I don't know, okay?  I don't know why I said that.  Can we just move on please?

Jason:  You like me. *grin*

Brooke:  Whatever!! You're so full of it.

Jason:  Well---

Brooke:  No!  Don't even start!

Jason:  Haha.  Fine.

Brooke:  I'm  going to play chess.  You can stay here if you want.

OMG, I want to kill him!!

Jason:  Brooke, don't be mad.  Where are you going?

Jason: So are you good at chess?

Brooke: ...............

Jason: I haven't played in a while.

Brooke: ................

Jason:  You know, chess is just like football.  You need to have a strategy to win.

Brooke: ...............

Jason:  You're still mad at me??

Brooke: ................

Jason:  Aww, come on Brooke.  I don't even know what I did.

Brooke: ...............

Jason:  What did I do??

Brooke: ...............

Jason:  Talk to me.  Please.

Brooke: ....................

Jason:  If you don' talk to me, I'll plunge the queen into my own heart.

Brooke: ................

Jason:  Fine, I'll stab myself with the king!!

Brooke: ..............

Jason:  You will seriously let me stab myself with a chess piece??

Brooke: ...................

Jason:  Fine, then I'm not talking either.

Brooke: .................

Jason: ...............

Brooke: ................

Brooke: Checkmate!!

Jason:  What? How??  

Brooke:  I thought you weren't talking.

Jason:  That's because you weren't!!

Brooke: ..............

Jason: ..............

Jason: *whistles*

Brooke: ................

Brooke:  I thought you were going to stab yourself.

Jason:  I thought you weren't talking.

Brooke:  Stab yourself.

Jason: Shut it.

Brooke: ................

Jason: ...............

Brooke:  If I beat you again, you owe me a picnic at the beach. At sunset.

Jason:  Oh really??  If I win, I get to kiss you again. 

His comment sent her pulse racing, making her cheeks feel warm.  She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

Brooke: No!! 

Jason:  Yes!! *grin*

Brooke:  Mmmm...those lips.  Stop thinking about it!!

In other news, this dude takes his anger out on the sandcastle.

Angry Dude:  See what you made me do??  See what you made me do???

Jason:  I am sooo gonna kick your---

Brooke:  Checkmate!!  Buwahahaha!! Who's your momma now?? *evil grin*

Jason:  Hey!! No fair!!

Brooke:  Oh, I forgot to tell you.  I was president of the chess club in high school. 

Jason:  Woman, you are evil!!

Brooke:  I want fried chicken, coleslaw and mashed potatoes with gravy.  And I'll  need to wash it down with sweet tea. I loooves my sweet tea.  For dessert, key lime pie. *grin*

Jason:  This isn't over. *beady eyes*

The sun was starting to set.  They didn't realize how long they've been at the park until it started to get dark.  

Brooke:  Thank you for taking me here, Jason.  I haven't had this much fun in a long time.

Jason:  You're welcome.  Thanks  for listening to my problems.  It really means a lot to me.

Brooke:  Anytime.  I'm here if you ever need to talk.  And thank you for wiping my tears away.

Jason:  Whatever I can do to help.  I don't like to see you cry.

Brooke:  You have.  More than you know.  

Jason:  So...you have a date coming up, huh?

Brooke: Yeah.

Jason:  Well...I hope you have a good time.  If that Matt guy tries anything funny, call me.  I'll be there in 5 minutes.

Brooke:  Haha.  Thanks Jason.  I will.

Jason:  We should get going.

Brooke:  Yeah, we should.

Jason:  Hey, Brooke?

Brooke:  Yeah?

Jason:  Can you play that song again?

Brooke:  You like it, huh?

Jason:  It's alright.

Brooke:   You liiiike it.  You liiiiike it. 

Jason:  *beady eyes*

Brooke:  I'll play it just for you. *grin*

"And through timeless words

 In priceless pictures
We’ll fly like birds

 And hearts disfigure

 Not of this earth"

"And tides they turn
But that’s no concern
When we’re wounded together
And we tore our dresses
And stained our shirts
But it’s nice today,
Oh the wait was so worth it"

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"A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz

Next: Episode 23 (Bonnie And Clyde)